How deep is your love

I am sure that quite a number of you who are Christians would know or might have heard the song, “Jesus, lover of my soul….. I love you, I need you, though my world may fall but I’ll never let you go.” The song is quite soulful and I connect with it. I believe David was the one guy in the bible who had so much love for God; you almost would think he was talking about some woman. Well when I was younger, I used to plagiarize from the Songs of Solomon when there was a need to impress a girl. Such was the passion these guys had for God.

One thing I think we sometimes fail to realize is that a relationship is a two way thing. This reality hit me when the spirit of God brought to my awareness the salient reality that I miss when I sing this simple but powerful song. The simple question He dropped in my mind was, If He is the lover of your soul, is He also your lover? My automatic response was, yes. Yes I love God and I might not be at the David’s level of romance with Him but I believe He is my lover. Then He said to me, but how do you love the God that you can not see? And almost immediately He prompted an answer, “ By loving the creations of His hands.” Then I wanted to know where He was going with this Q&A session. Then He said, “For as long as you have deep hatred for homosexuals and gay people, then you are still yet to embrace my love in entirety.

I was quite confused because if you knew a thing or two about me, you would know that I cannot stand homosexuality. It is immoral and against my Christian belief. I even refer to them as sons of perdition and hence deserve no mercy or affection from me. I remember once going on a visit with Kb to some of her friends in Jozy. I was shocked when we got there and it turned out to be that they were a gay couple; white and black. Maybe Michael Jackson would have loved that but I was gutted and had to try as much as possible to disguise my true feelings for them. But that was difficult because the white one would want to hug me every now and then. I made it out alive anyway and even went as far as hanging out with them at Monte Casino; all for Kb. So there is no love lost between me and gay people.

So why should God want me to love them in order to access His love? Moreover that wasn’t what I was praying for. I was praying for God to restore me and to heal every brokenness in spirit from past hurt. Then He asked me if I had ever wondered why I despise homosexuals so much. I thought it was simply because it was immoral and they also try to hit on me. Then He flashed my mind back to a long forgotten past. A past shrouded in guilt. I was less than ten years old and a boy touched me sexually even though I didn’t have any understanding of the implications. I was rescued by an early crush on some girl down the street. As I grew older, I grew in knowledge and hated myself for allowing another boy touch me. But I thought I had outgrown that past.

(To be continued)

Together, we can achieve more. Cheers